


Santa Daddy

by nothing_but_a_comedy (sleepwithacommunist)



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), DC Extended Universe
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Christmas, Christmas Smut, F/M, Humor, Sexual Humor, Shameless Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:33:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22094908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepwithacommunist/pseuds/nothing_but_a_comedy
Summary: When Joker comes home from a heist dressed as Santa, you try to get on his Nice List by doing the naughtiest things *wink wink*.
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Original Female Character(s), Joker (DCU)/Reader, Joker (DCU)/You, Joker/Original Female Character(s), Joker/Reader, Joker/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	Santa Daddy

It’s nearly 2am on Christmas morning and you can’t sleep at all. Your entire body is buzzing with excitement as you think about greeting Joker when he gets back from whatever heist he’s pulling.

Frankly, you’ve been in the mood to fuck him for days, but he’s been in and out of the apartment for the past week. Tonight, you’re hoping that he’ll be in the Christmas spirit and give you what you’re craving.

Groaning and staring at the clock in the living room, you watch the minutes tick by until Joker finally enters the apartment. As soon as you hear the jiggling of the doorknob, you rush to the door and throw yourself at him.

“J, you’re finally home!” Your arms wrap around his waist in a tight hug. You’re so happy to be in his arms, but you can’t help noticing he’s wearing something _different_ tonight.

Pulling away from Joker, you giggle when you see the silly Santa outfit that he is wearing. He’s replaced his normal purple coat with a thick red one that has a furry white lining. His purple gloves have been replaced with cherry red ones that match his coat. To top it all off, he’s wearing a wrinkled Santa hat to complete the look.

“So have I been naughty or nice?” You flick the fuzzy ball on his Santa hat playfully.

He immediately recognizes the suggestive look you give him and responds in a low growl, “You’ve been extremely naughty, baby.”

He licks his lips and grabs your ass, pulling you to his chest. “But it’s uh, never too late to be put on Santa’s Nice List, darling.”

You quirk an eyebrow and smirk at him. “Oh yeah? And what do I have to do to be put on the Nice List?”

You rub the fuzzy lining of his jacket with one hand and smile at him innocently.

He grins widely at you, almost mimicking your innocent stare.

“Well, you’ll have to let me slip a present under your Christmas Tree,” his hands grip your hips tightly while he makes his euphemistic comment.

You bite your lip and try to keep a straight face, but you can’t stop yourself from bursting into laughter.

“That was so bad, J!” You slap his chest lightly and tease him for the terrible innuendo.

Joker chuckles and leads you to the bedroom. You’re still giggling at him, so he shushes you and then promptly shuts you up with a deep kiss. His teeth nip at your bottom lip, making your laughter quickly turn into soft moans.

You gasp when his hands slide into the back of your stretchy pajama pants, squeezing your ass over the fabric of your panties. Even over the fabric, the cold leather makes you shudder. Joker slides his tongue into your mouth, groaning into the kiss.

He pushes you onto the bed and sheds himself of everything but his boxers, his red gloves, and his Santa hat. He shrugs the fluffy red coat back on his shoulders, and you snicker at how he looks like a Christmas-themed male stripper.

Joker snarls his lips at you and crawls over your body on the bed until his face is inches from yours.

“Stop laughing, or else you’ll only get coal this year,” he smirks while brushing his lips against yours.

He brings one hand up to caress your face, his thumb pulls your bottom lip down slowly and he presses a quick kiss on your lips.

“Now, Santa’s gonna have his fun tonight,” his voice is low and gravelly, “and you’re not gonna make a peep.”

He smiles and boops your nose while happily speaking in a high-pitched voice. “And that’s how you’re gonna get on my Nice List. Got it, sweetheart?”

You submissively nod your head, not daring to make a sound.

“Good,” he grins, satisfied with your obedience.

He kisses your neck, nipping at your skin while his hands slide down your body to rest above your pants. He slowly unbuttons your pants while he licks a stripe down your neck, smiling when he sees you struggle to stifle a moan.

While he pulls your pants down your legs, he notices what kind of shirt you’re wearing. “Uh, darling,” he pauses to lick his lips, “why aren’t you wearing one of _my_ shirts, hm?”

You stare at him with wide eyes. It’s been an unspoken rule in your relationship that you wear his shirts whenever he’s not home; he likes the thought of you being wrapped up in his large clothes while he’s away.

“Actually, wait,” he chuckles. “You’re not supposed to talk, I forgot.”

A high-pitched giggle leaves his mouth while he reaches into his red jacket and pulls out one of his knives.

“Well since it’s not one of mine…” he slowly brings the knife to your shirt and cuts through the middle, smirking while he waits to see if you’ll audibly react.

You bite your tongue, suppressing the urge to scold Joker for cutting one of your favorite shirts. He looks pleasantly surprised and peels the shirt off of your body. Putting the knife away, he licks his lips while letting his eyes wander up and down your body.

Left in your matching bra and panties, you hold your breath in anticipation of his next touch. Joker laughs at how well you’re staying quiet; he’s torn between feeling proud of you and wanting you to break so that he can punish you.

His eyebrow raises as he thinks of a way to get you to make some noise.

Leaning down to place chaste kisses around your bra, he whispers “Can I hurry down your chimney tonight?”

He keeps kissing you all over, not bothering to wait for a response from you. His hands slide up to massage your breasts through your bra, and you bite your lip harshly to avoid groaning.

“Santa can’t wait to stuff your stocking with his big, hard–,” he can’t even finish his sentence without throwing his head back and laughing nasally.

Even though you bite down on your lip and quickly press your hand to your mouth, Joker can still hear the chortle that escapes you upon hearing his stupid joke. You burst into a fit of laughter while Joker gives you a crooked smile.

“I’ve got you now, naughty girl.”

He swiftly takes off one glove and shoves it in your mouth after you catch your breath from laughing. You look at him with wide eyes and mumble complaints against the glove.

He can’t quite decipher the words you say but understands the gist of what you’re saying.

“I know, I cheated,” he pouts at you condescendingly. “I’m an old Saint dick, aren’t I?”

Your eyes water as you laugh obnoxiously, your laughter muffled from the glove in your mouth and making it a bit harder to breathe.

Joker hushes you, “Alright, alright! Breathe, darling. Now, onto serious business…”

Unhooking your bra and maneuvering it off your body, he places a few kisses on your chest and sucks momentarily on each nipple. Once he’s satisfied, he slides down your body and pulls your panties down your legs while his face is hovering over your pussy.

You look down at him, your breath catching when you make eye contact and he licks a slow stripe up your pussy before kissing your clit.

He flips you over so that you’re laying on your stomach, and he lightly swats your ass while lifting you so that you’re on all fours.

Joker positions you to his liking and then gently pushes down on your shoulder so that your head and shoulders rest against the mattress while your ass is up, exposing your wet pussy to him.

His glove is still wedged inside your mouth, but you know that you can spit it out if you need to breathe better or say the safeword. Joker rests his hands on your ass– his other glove is discarded somewhere, so it’s just the feeling of his warm hands on your skin.

You moan as he spreads your pussy lips with his thumbs and blows cool air on your entrance. He quickly attaches his mouth to your clit, sucking harshly on the sensitive bud. You enjoy the feeling of him alternating between swirling his tongue around your clit and sucking on it.

After a few minutes of his unrelenting torture to your clit, he hums against your pussy while two of his fingers slowly enter and curl inside you. At first you think he’s just moaning, but then you realize that it sounds like he’s humming a familiar melody.

You moan at the vibrations from his humming, and you spit the glove out both to breathe easier and to question what he’s doing.

“Umm, J?” You moan as his humming gets a bit louder, his fingers curling against your g-spot now.

“What are you doing?” You groan and he slaps your ass for spitting out the glove, but his mouth never leaves your pussy to scold you.

Turning your head a little and listening carefully to the melody, you realize the bastard is humming the tune to ‘Santa Baby’ against your clit and slowly thrusting his fingers inside you to the beat of the song.

After finishing one verse of the song, his fingers speed up inside you, thrusting twice for every beat of the song that he hums against you.

When your moans get louder and higher-pitched, he stops humming and transitions to roughly eating you out while his fingers fuck you even harder.

You writhe against him as your orgasm quickly approaches, and he lifts his head momentarily to mumble “If you wanna be on the Nice List, ya gotta cum for me… come on baby, that’s it.”

His lips return to your pussy and he continues to mumble against it, urging you to cum for him.

Within seconds, you cum around his fingers, crying out as he curls them one last time and holds his fingers against your g-spot while you writhe. Meanwhile, his tongue flicks your clit over and over until you’re oversensitive and trying to pull your body away from his touch.

He groans in pride and satisfaction, jokingly humming the last line of the song while he licks his lips and sucks his fingers clean.

Your body slumps down against the mattress in exhaustion and you lazily roll over so that you can face him. You laugh breathily, feeling amused by how smug he looks.

“Your jokes are terrible, J… but I love them.”

He grins and leans over your body to give you a soft kiss. While his head is bent down to kiss you, you quickly grab the Santa hat from his head and place it on top of yours. He lets go of your lips and looks at you quizzically.

You smirk at him and explain, “I checked my list, and it looks like you’ve been a hoe hoe hoe!”

Joker gives you a pained smile and tears form in his eyes as he tries his hardest to keep a straight face.

“And I thought _my_ jokes were bad.”

Both of you struggle to keep the laughter at bay, but you spend the rest of the night celebrating Christmas in a way that was sure to get you both on Santa’s Naughty List.


End file.
